Yesterday I was having the Sunday morning stomach rumbles and set my mind on some cheese on toast, the kind that they make at work, it's so good but so bad for you. As usual there was no bread so I decided to haul my ass to the cash machine about 5 miles away from my house (to be honest it's barely a mile) and go into the local branch of 'Somerfield' to pick up some bread and cheese, I also wanted to purchase some real coffee seeing as my dad thinks it's acceptable to drink Maxwell House, which I didn't even think they made any more due to the fact that it tastes like burnt twigs soaked in vinegar. Upon entering the store I pick up a basket, you know you're in Ashton when even the 'Somerfield' baskets have got graffiti on them, I'm dubious about shopping here because I know it's crap for service, expensive and last time I came here 3 people asked me if I was lost (because I work for a different supermarket) but alas I pick up my wares and make my way to the till having nearly had to get a mortgage out to buy a jar of 'Carte Noire'! As I'm approaching the till I hear them tannoy another person to the till, that'd be because there is 1 checkout on and about 15 people in the queue. After about 10 minutes this beast comes to relieve "Raz", yes that is the name that was on this dudes badge, she's waving her bingo wings at the queue shouting "Jew wohha cum on dis wun?" so me and the dude in front of me move to this till, meanwhile I've got the Adams Family behind me moaning that their bags are packed too full from the previous shop and the daughter, who's a few crumbs short of a biscuit, blatantly telling her overweight mother to push in front of me in the queue. So after I've grappled past 'Stunners' from X Factor to get in the queue I am greeted by, I say greeted I mean she just looked at my, some girl who looks like she needs a bath and a shave if I'm honest.
The beauties in the queue behind me
Her opening line is "Jew wohha bag?" so I bought a "bag for life" not wanting the shame of carrying an actual see through plastic 'Somerfield' bag home, there's 10p I'll never see again. As I'm using my razor sharp reflexes to catch the stuff she's literally throwing at me she tells me the price £9.56, which doesn't sound that bad for 'Somerfield' but when you put into consideration that I bought 5 things and the offer on the bread I'd bought hadn't come off but I dare not go and see Godzilla behind customer services for the sake of 30p. So I hand her some money and she asks "Av Ewe gohha Co-Op kaird?" to which I reply "No" .. "Jew woh wun?", I don't know why she insists on referring to me as a Jew, again I reply "No", so she gives me my change and says "Ceeeee Yoh", which is a first as I've never been given a parting comment in 'Somerfield'.
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